Happy Place
by Leo's Katanas
Summary: Leo's chain of thought on the subject happy places! Drabble NOTE: Because of fan's opinions their will be more chapters soon! Now a chapter story! Now completed!
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys!!!! Here is a totally random drabble fic that I did when I was bored!!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own any tmnt characters!!!

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Happy Place

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Leo's POV:

I was sad. Why? I don't know. Did I show it? Hell no! I just kept on thinking about my happy place. Where was it?

I don't know how long I was sitting on the coach in deep thought. I looked over to where Donnie was, fixing the toaster after Mikey accidently set it on fire. AGAIN!!!

Sometime's I wish that I was Donnie. So calm and happy, having a place were only he could go to, his lab. Having no worries, except for when Mikey gets too near to the toaster. Being able to focus on his inventions and not have to worry about anything or anybody else. He would be in his happy place.

Then there is Mikey. So happy all the time, being able to find light in the darkest of places. I sometimes wish I was Mikey too. No responsibility, no worries. Having his happy place too, on the coach, either watching tv or playing video games to reading his comics.

Last there is Raph. Most would think nobody would want to be Raph, but I did. He yearned to have the freedom that Raph had. Sure he was hot headed but he can always leave the lair, without question, to blow off some steam. That included being with Casey and beating in heads. Still he was free and he would be in his happy place too.

And then their was me, Leo. The 'fearless' leader, the responsible 'big brother'. Everyone thinks my happy place would be in the Dojo or in meditation in my room. They are wrong. They only see the me that Splinter wants the strong responsible leader. That isn't the real me. Ever since I was 8, when Splinter first told me I would be leader, the true me was sealed away in the back of my head. I became what he wanted, the leader. Because of that I not only lost myself, but also lost my best friend, Raph. Sure we are still brothers now, but before we were inseparable. That all changed when I lost myself.

Now they had forgotten the real me, and think the real me is the 'leader' me. I haven't. I still remember, when I would laugh at all of Mikey's jokes, help Donnie with is inventions or just hang out with Raph. I miss it. I could probably turn back, but if I do, Splinter will be disappointed. Even so, It would be nice. To go and blow off steam with Raph and Casey, help Donnie instead of bothering him, just sitting and playing a video game with Mikey, but I can't.

Every spare moment, I have to be in the dojo, practicing, training and becoming stronger. Learning to become a better leader. Pleasing my sensei. Meditating. Strengthening my mind and body. Losing myself more and more.

My brother's may think that the dojo is my happy place but in reality, it is my prison.

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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any tmnt characters!!

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Happy Place Chapter 2

Raph's POV

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I growled in anger. Stupid Fearless!! Always being so calm and so perfect. It makes me sick!!! And now he's even worse!! Moping around all day!! He probably sad cause he broke a nail or something!!! Even though turtles don't have nails…..

A smell suddenly brought me out of my thoughts. Something was burning and it was coming from the kitchen!! I was about to run in their and see whats going on when I heard someone shouting.

Donnie. And boy was he mad!!!

"MIKEY!!!!" I heard him shout. "NOT AGAIN!! I JUAT FIXED THAT TOASTER!!! NOW I HAVE TO FIX IT AGAIN!!!" I could also hear Mikey's soft sorry's coming from the kitchen too. Mikey must have burned the toaster again.

Donnie stalked out of the kitchen with a black smoking object in his hand. I presume it is the remains of the toaster. Their was a loud BANG of Donnie's lab door closing. I signed. Donnie is now going to be in his lab for probably the rest of the night unless Leo convinces him to at least eat dinner.

Speaking of him, Leo seemed to have come out of his room when all the commotion started. Probably here to lecture Mikey on safety. Poor bugger. Thou it will be good to have him out of action for a while, even if it is for a couple of minutes. I finally could have some peace and quiet.

Instead Leo came towards me and sat on the couch, head in hands. "What happened this time?" he asked me. "Mikey and the toaster" I said, knowing when the words Mikey and toaster is used in a sentence it either means that Mikey's either burned the toaster or it's Don telling him to stay away from the newly fixed one.

Leo signed, stood up and went back to his room. Mikey came and sat next to me, staring at Leo's turned body until it was out of sight.

"Whoa, what crawled up his shell and died?" he asked. I shrugged. I turned my attention back to the forgotten magazine in my hands. Not bothering looking up I asked Mikey "Luckily Don's smoke detectors didn't do off or the sprinkler system!"

Mikey looked at the kitchen worryingly. I spoke to late. The smoke detectors went off and the sprinkler system activated, drenching Mikey, Myself and my brand new magazines. I growled.

"Mikey" I said bitterly. He ran. I chased after him shouting at the top of my lungs.

"GET BACK HERE, MIKEY. YOU OWE ME NEW MAGAZINES. MIKEY!!!!!"

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any tmnt characters except those you never heard of

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Happy Place Chapter 3

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Leo's POV

Stupid!!! I thought. Stupid, Stupid Stupid!! Why is it always me? WHY?

Here I am, sitting alone on a rooftop, you no, just thinking. Where is it? I kept on asking myself. Where's my happy place, my sanctuary, my relief? Where can I go and just be myself? Minus the responsibilities and jobs and everything else that comes with being the 'Fearless Leader'.

I just want to be free. Free to decide my own actions and thoughts and feelings. Free to be myself………. Wherever it is.

Sad, isn't it? Not knowing there yourself is?

I just have been doing it so long. Day in day out. No break, no relief. Just me being the 'actor' of a play called my life. Being the son my sensei wants. Even if I do change back, they won't accept me. My brothers don't even know who I am. They don't know anything about the real me. If only….

If only they did, you know? Things will be different. Raph won't be fighting with me and making fun of me. Mikey won't think I'm a stick in the mud and will ask me to play with him. Don will let me help him and not just say when I enter his lab "Yer, Yer Leo. I know when dinner is. You don't have to bother me." If only that would be. But it isn't. I'm stuck as being the 'Fearless Leader' and 'Splinter Jr.'.

Man I hate my life. Why do I even bother? My only purpose is to protect my family, but what's the point when they probability think your only there to annoy them and nag them to train. I only do it cause' I can't bear to see any of them hurt. If they are hurt then Splinter will surely blame me for not stopping them being injured.

The truth is they are getting harder and harder to control. And I'm just so tired.

With that I lay down on the cold cement, not even noticing that it had started to rain. I was just so tired. Not even the loud ringing of my shell cell stired me as I slowly went to sleep.

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	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: don't own any of the tmnt characters, but do own the stuff you never heard of.

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Happy Place Chapter 4

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Raph POV

Everything was cool. I'm just lying here on the couch doing nothing when Don runs in shouting.

"I can't get hold of Leo. He won't answer his shell cell!"

Everyone knows Leo went out a couple of hours ago. What's the big deal?

I glanced at the clock and my breath hitched. Leo's hasn't been gone for a couple of hours but half of the night!! I really lost track of time. This isn't like Leo to be gone this long!

"Come on!" I said. "Let's go and find Leo! Don go get Mikey and tell Master Splinter. Hurry!"

I was really starting to panic now. Where was he? I quickly ran up to my room and grabbed my Sais and shell cell. I tryed to reach Leo, but he just isn't answering.

When I return to the main area, Mikey and Master Splinter are there too.

"My sons" said Splinter. "You must go and find Leonardo!"

We bowed before running out of the lair and into the rainy night.

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After running for a while, Don activated the shell cell's trackers to help find Leo. The dot that showed where Leo's shell cell was and hopefully where Leo was, was still, showing that Leo was a couple of blocks away. I looked at my brothers before nodding and starting to run along the rooftops towards Leo's position.

I had expected a lot of things when we arrived, but what we found was something I never even thought of. There was Leo, lying on the cement of a roof, without even a scratch on him. The only thing that was different was that instead of his normal emerald green skin, it was a greenish-blue colour. Don rushed towards him and quickly examined him.

"We have to get Leo warm!" he said. "He is freezing! And I don't know how long he will live!"

I quickly rush over to Don and Leo and help Don lift Leo while Mikey went and opened a near by manhole.

We were home a couple of minutes later. Don and I went and put Leo on the couch, as Mikey went to go get some blankets.

"My sons, what has happened?"

Master Splinter walked over to Leo and when Mikey returned he helped pile on the blankets.

"I'll go get a hot water bottle!" said Don as he sprinted to his lab.

Mikey went and started to make some tea for when Leo wakes up and I was left to tell Master Splinter what had happened. After hearing the story, Master Splinter was both surprised and puzzled.

"Are you sure, my son, that there weren't any injuries on Leonardo's body?" he asked.

"No, Master Splinter, even ask Don, Leo wasn't injured. Maybe he fainted?" I answered, wishing Don will come back soon.

Inside it really puzzled me too. Leo has never been the type of guy….. or turtle to faint. Maybe he was drugged? No, if he had he wouldn't have still been in the same place he had fallen.

Don's footsteps brought me back to reality. Master Splinter and Don started to talk to each other, neither could hide the worry in their voice. Mikey came back in and just looked at me before walking into his room.

Don and Master Splinter went into Don's lab and left me to watch Leo. I signed grabbing a chair and placing it next to Leo. This was going to be a long night.

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the tmnt characters, thou do own the ones you never heard of

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Happy Place Chapter 5

Leo's POV

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I moaned. My head hurt so much. I groaned and heard whispering above me.

"Hey he's waking up!"

"Bout time"

"Maybe we can finally know what happened?"

"Maybe"

"My sons, calm down"

Yes Sensei"

I slowly opened my eyes. I have never felt this weak in my life. The room was blurry at first, but my eyes soon focused, and I saw Raph, Don, Mikey and Master Splinter above me. I was on the couch. How did I get there?

"You okay bro?" asked Mikey.

I felt my eyes drop again. Why was I so tired? I don't know how long I was out, but woke to see Don by himself.

"What happened?" I asked him, my voice weak.

"I was hoping you would be able to tell us" said Don, who was unable to mask the worry in his voice.

I shook my head.

"All I remember is being on a rooftop, thinking, and then everything went black" I told Don. He shook his head and started to think.

"You fainted?" he said. I didn't know.

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(2 months later)

The fainting spells continue. I am always feeling so tired and weak. I was made to stay in bed all the time, unless I would go and watch TV with Mikey or something.

Don was constantly by my side. Out of all my family, Don was the most troubled by my illness. He just couldn't figure out what was wrong. I doubt he will ever know.

I did.

I knew the years of constant worry and lack of sleep and just being the fearless leader was finally catching up to me. I knew that soon it will just pass and I will have to go back into fearless leader mode. Them I will be fine for a couple of years and then the process will repeat itself. I will be weak and tired all the time.

And the funny thing was that I liked it.

No responsibility, no worries. No nothing. I think if I continue this cycle, I will be happy.

You see every time I pass out, I'm in my happy place, my dream place. It was always peaceful and just wonderful. It was a beautiful lake side, with a forest and more. Everything will just shine and sparkle.

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(Years Later)

I am and have continuing the cycle. I would be the fearless leader for a couple of years, and then suddenly I would have my fainting spells again, that would last a couple of months. Then I would be the fearless leader again.

Raph has learnt how to be a leader, as he is my replacement during those couple of months off I have. Don is still puzzled by my 'condition'. But he learnt to live with it. Mikey is happy, for those couple of months, I would come really close to him. We will play video games together and such.

Life was good. I'm much happier than I have been before. I found it.

My happy place has been found.

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If I get enough, maybe I'll do a sequel????


	6. IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!

**PLEASE READ - IMPORTANT!**

The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

I have only been on this site for a few years and only posted one story, but many others have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

There is absolutely no point in having an "M" rating if the content is not, in fact, mature. I feel it would be both more fair and more practical to simply make the "M" rated section of the site unavailable to anyone who does not have a profile on . All users should have a date of birth put in during sign up. In this way you can ensure that M-rated fics are inaccessible to anyone who is not willing to verify that they are 18 years old or older. It is ridiculous to limit fanfictions in the way that you are proposing. While, yes, some stories are simply pornographic there are many times that adult situations or violence can be used to make a more effective point. It should not be in your power to make that judgment call. After all, the author of the best selling fiction series "50 Shades of Grey" had her start in erotic "Twilight" fanfiction, which only illustrates my point. For a website whose entire purpose is the proliferation of creativity, your attempts to stifle such works is at best hypocritical and at worst straight up censorship...which should be a dirty word for anyone who loves reading.

I know of at least 10 to 25 stories that I either loved or hadn't even got to finish just disappear. I couldn't remember the author so I couldn't look them up and ask them what had happened to their stories.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

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